Findom, Sissies, Humiliation, and Shame

Two important things before I get started.

One:
None of what I’m writing about in this article is what I’d call “my thing”.
We’re all probably pretty used to that idea by now, that there are components of this scene that are not for everyone, and sometimes with the way this scene has grown (over the last few years especially) it can feel like there aren’t really any connections at all anymore.
I’m hoping to dispel a little bit of that sentiment.

Two:
This is a polite disclaimer to make clear that anything I say that may offend you, if you’re reading about something that applies to you or touches on something close to you or a part of who you are that you may be struggling with, is coming from a place of love support and likely also good natured humor.

That said, lets get into the Big Three of Misunderstood Femdom Hypnosis Companion Fetishes.

What’s a Companion Fetish?

Let’s assume, and this is a baseless assumption because of some of the realities we’re going to explore, that since we’re talking about Erotic Hypnosis the other fetish content we’ll be looking at is a companion to hypnosis.

For a lot of people with a lot of fetishes it’s totally the other way around, I know this, you know this, but we’re not taking that route because we’re talking about these things in relation to Erotic Hypnosis and how that community tends to see them

So, what are the Big Three?

Number One with a bullet is Findom or Financial Domination.

Number Two is the nuanced and separate collection of fetishes ranging from cross dressing to feminization to sissy, gay, bi, forced bi, or anything else that’s what you’d probably describe as “pretty gay” from an outsiders perspective.
We’ll call it Counter-Hetero-Masculine.

Number Three, the most acceptable of the three to the average vanilla hypno fan, is humiliation.

Why am I writing about these things?

Honestly, lots of reasons.
The first reason is a selfish one, but in a weird and round about way.
So, as many of you may or may not know, I make my living by writing scrip content for mp3s and videos in our scene. This means I have an obvious investment in files of all kinds selling well, but that’s not it.
The real reason is because of perceptions people have about who makes this content and why.
The second is that I know as well as probably most if not all of you do just how hard it can be to have a fetish or to think about who you are as defined by these interests.
That said, as a friend of this community and as a person who cares about its health, I want to share what I’ve learned about these things in the hopes that what I say adds to this community and people in it.
Third, I haven’t written anything in a long time and I wanted my first update back to be something substantive.

So now that that’s all out of the way…

Findom!

What is it?
Financial Domination is the act of domination through finance. This is not the same as simply buying a file, or a session etc. it is a distinct emotional response to the act of giving someone money as a symbol of and practice of submission.
It is, for obvious reasons, a very lucrative fetish for content providers but it can also be a demanding fetish to serve.
The amount of personal attention that a findom subject can require is in itself a different kind of job, and that is in part because people are aware of the value of their money.

What it’s not…
It isn’t inherently greedy or predatory.
Yes, there are greedy people and hacks in every industry, but just because someone is offering a product that people want to buy it doesn’t make them predatory.
You can argue of course that anyone that makes their living in vice, and I don’t say that as a bad thing or a judgmental thing, is preying on human weakness but if you do then you can go back to Colonial Williamsburg and join the Puritans.
Remember, this is a world for consenting adults.
Of course some people struggle with addiction, and some people proportionally project too much into their D/s relationships, but that is not unique to Findom.
To understand Findom, you need to understand greed.
Greed is not being a good business person, greed is not capitalizing on an underserved market.

What then, is greed?
It helps, when you think about greed, to think about it less as a nebulous concept of excessive desire for gains, or as a disproportionate hunger for something that is otherwise good in moderation.
Instead, it helps to think about who is greedy.
Is a greedy person someone that wants to live comfortable as a result of their labors?
Is a greedy person someone that wants to be compensate for their labors?
Even if your labor, even if your profession isn’t “normal” or mainstream, it is still work, it is still effort, it is still labor.
We all understand that people should be paid for work, and the idea is that being a findom is somehow not work, and any time someone participates in the submissive component of findom it sounds like money for nothing and that seems predatory and greedy.
I get that, you get that, we all get that.
Subs are, buy their nature, the recipients of attention and attention is made up of time, energy, and labor when done well.
We aren’t talking about the hacks, the get rich quick people, or anything like that, we’re talking about findom as a concept so we can understand it as a practice.
Is it easy to ride the findom train?
Sure, but just because some people suck it doesn’t mean that putting forth the energy to give a customer what they want in a satisfying fashion is greedy.

How does this work with hypnosis?
If you overestimate the power of suggestion then findom seems like the most evil thing in the whole wide world.
If you don’t, if you recognize the limitation of hypnosis and what it can do, then there’s not a lot of difference between giving someone money under trance and getting whipped with a riding crop while in trance.
In both cases it is what you’ve signed up for and your acceptance and openness to suggestion and of psychological manipulation is what you wanted in the first place.

Yes, hypnosis can do a lot, but it can’t drain your bank account unless you want it to, and that includes wanting to be preyed upon.

Or, you could also just get conned, and there are con artists everywhere, but as the saying goes, you cannot con an honest person.
You can con a vulnerable person though if you press the right buttons, and the idea of findom as evil or dirty is an extension of people thinking that pro-dommes are con artists because they provide an emotional service for money.
Which is also what therapists do, and I think that’s why people can also view mental health professionals the same way.

Now, here’s the thing that people miss.
When you’re your own boss and you’re making your own pay check by the work you can get done, the only thing that comes close is working for a commission and when you do that you have to hustle.
Having hustle isn’t the same as being a hustler.
When you’re up front about your hustle, then you’re just a hard worker.
If people assume otherwise because of the heady result of this emotional experience, that’s just a special kind of buyer beware.

But yeah, cheap ass two bit findom cons, people chasing easy money, predators, they all suck and we know it, but they suck as individuals and that’s different than what we’re talking about.

So, in closing on this one, Findom isn’t bad, bad people are bad. Good findom, like good anything, take s a lot of work, and if the power of suggestion could be used to drain people’s bank accounts that would happen literally ALL THE TIME.

But it doesn’t and that’s a pretty clear indicator all by itself.

Counter-Hetero-Masculine!

What is it?
I guess gender and sexuality all exist in a continuum.
I say I guess because as a straight cisgender white man with fetish tastes that are as plain as my khakis, it isn’t something I’ve had immediate personal experience with.
My friends have.
My loved ones and some of my family have, but me, just a plain old straight white guy who identifies with the gender between his legs.
I guess to prove my own point who we are is often times defined by how we see ourselves falling on that continuum, and for some people it is a profoundly freeing experience to be moved by external forces along that slide.
For some people the ultimate form of submission is being moved along that continuum.
Some people are closeted.
Some people are curious.
Some people just want to try something new.

The destruction, transformation, compromise, and deconstruction of the traditional hetero-masculine image can be the most freeing of experiences, because as we live in a patriarchy the clear and deliberate image of the male in control losing control is the primary foundation for what makes femdom a fantasy and/or recreational product/experience.
Now, that that’s out of the way, for the non- closeted. consumer of this type of content, one can see that cross-dressing, forced-bi fantasies, etc. are in many ways the pinnacle of this sort of power exchange.
It doesn’t mean you’re gay for liking it, but it doesn’t mean you’re not gay either.

What it’s not…
Do I think there’s a large contingent of people that like this stuff because they’re at very least bi-curious?
Who cares, but yes, and that’s only because I live in a city that is pretty gay friendly and progressive so I just assume it’s people from communities not like mine, etc.

But I think more of the people who like it are of that latter group I talked about in the above section.

Still, let’s get into what it’s not.
I know there are women out there that go for androgyny, I know that since this can be such an extreme form of power exchange and dominance it’s also something that can be appealing for that and that alone.
Yes, some pros in the scene really like it, and depending on where you fall on the desire to submit and be owned continuum that means you could be really into it too.
Or not, because if you’re not into it it’s not for you.
Maybe there’s a domme or two that would love to push your limits and get you into panties, but this stuff is not in any way shape or form a massive conspiracy to gayify the world.
Every now and then someone, usually an amateur or a person without respect for their clientele, will try and sneak in some gay-ish suggestions or whatever and that’s because once again there are people that are bad at their jobs in every industry.

How does this work with hypnosis?
Okay, big one first.
Let’s say you are closeted, okay, being gay isn’t easy and this is in no way a judgment. If anything it’s a sincere recognition of how hard it can be to be who you are when you don’t feel like and/or can’t be yourself.
Also.
Hypnosis is a permissive action.
It is an external force that gives you permission to feel and be and do things that you may normally feel unable to do, or too repressed to experience or recognize in yourself.
That’s where I come in on that.

But, by that same sort of principle hypnosis can give a subject the comfort and permission to explore the greater degrees of submission etc.
When someone else is in control the sky’s the limit on what you can do, or be made to do, that’s why these things go so well together.

So, final thoughts, maybe you’re gay, maybe you’re not, maybe you’re only gay for Mistress –SoandWhozitz-, or on Tuesdays, or curious, it’s all good.
Or you’re not and this is a way of relieving stress and shedding the stressful identity of traditional masculinity, that’s cool.
Maybe it’s just the most submissive you can feel, also cool, also all good.
There’s no shame in that.

Shame?

We’ll get to that later.

Humiliation!

What is it?
You remember that part earlier where I talked about the ideal version of the male in our culture?
When you’re that person all the time in your day to day life, hey you might know where I’m going because this might be the same reason you like to let someone else take control, you start to accumulate a certain kind of burden.
Stress, expectations, etc. you don’t need me to go hard on this point.
Humiliation is like someone flushing all of that stuff you carry around out of your head by proxy.
I’ve talked to more than a few pros about all the stuff I’ve written about in this article, and that includes humiliation.
When someone says all of this stuff out loud to you, when someone echoes out all of the fears, doubts, insecurities, when someone says all of these things to you, you get to let them go in a mediated experience.
That’s about it for humiliation, that and it being a means of degrading you and putting you into a submissive or powerless state.

What it’s not…
Just girls saying mean shit to guys to get them off because of their inner shame and low self-esteem.
You know, unless the girl is bad at her job, but we’re not going to go over that for a third time.
Domination is a service industry and when you’re a pro you’re serving the needs of your cliental and that means you’re putting their needs first. Engaging in humiliation, when done right, is not a power trip.
None of this stuff is a power trip, not really.
It’s a fantasy, it’s a lifestyle experience, it’s a lot of things, but when it’s done with respect and with professional; care and courtesy, it’s about giving.

How does this work with hypnosis?
It’s basic power exchange fantasy stuff, and that’s why out of the three things we’ve looked at today it’s the least “frowned on” (I guess).
When I say frowned on I mean that there’s a part of our umbrella community that talks some shit about some things, and different parts talk some different shit in different ways.
Since humiliation, like findom, seems like something else, people are like “that’s not work, you’re just being a bitch” but again, like the rest of it, it takes work.
Trust me on this one, I’ve been a shitty dude to more than a few people in my life, I’ve said some terrible things to people and I’m a creative motherfucker, so I know how to be mean, and I can tell you now that humiliation is not easy.
But that’s not really about how it works with hypnosis.
Then again, we get it already.
You won’t accept a suggestion you don’t want to accept, and being humiliated in a trance state won’t make you feel like a garbage person, because it isn’t about taking the negativity in it’s about letting it all out, like psychological masochism.

So, let’s talk about shame.

Shame!
The thing that all of these subjects have in common is their link to shame.
Yes, in general, fetishes and sexuality have a lot to do with shame, but there are degrees of what some people would call depravity and we call kink affect us and our psyches.
I, myself, used to delete every file I bought after listening once or twice, and that was out of shame.
There’s more to my story that I’ve shared in other articles that also has to do with shame, so I won’t badger it again here, but I offer that up again so you know that even with my basically vanilla taste in kind that I understand shame as well.
Shame.
I never really thought of the power of this word until I recently read a book by Jon Ronson titled “So You’ve Been Publicly Shamed” (he also wrote Men Who Stare at Goats, The Psychopath Test, and one I highly recommend titled Lost at Sea).
Shame is something we feel.
It’s an emotion.
It is a negative response to what we feel in relation to ourselves and other people, more so, how we feel about what we are and what we’ve done compared to other people’s actions and accomplishments.
Since people are social creatures we have a basic connective tissue of assumed behaviors that are normal.
Say what you want about them, where they come from, etc. but regardless of the finer details this connective tissue is one of the things that maintains community.
Shame comes from how we feel we belong.
Or, it’s how we or other people have made us feel we don’t belong, or did not in a way or means belong.

I think one of the reasons these fetishes are sometimes disparaged, in addition to the reasons above, is that they represent a greater extreme or deviation from traditional hetero-normative standard.
In other words, it’s more weird, and just to be clear that obviously doesn’t make it bad, it makes it different.
The connective tissue, the thing that we look to to unite us essentially as fellow humans isn’t hyper specific and when it becomes more and more specified it becomes more and more repressive, and in that comes the origination of shame, as in the less we feel we belong the more shame we feel about what we want and desire.
In other people’s eyes it can make someone different, and just because all parties involved share at least a baseline level of being different, it doesn’t preclude judgment, especially when that person is already sensitive to their own difference and their own shame.

Since we’re past the three thousand word count here I’ll bring it all home:

Shame cripples us, and often times we embrace the least valid components of our lives to cause us shame. We care too much about the wrong things, and we judge too harshly by those same standards.

Generally speaking, when it comes to the world of erotic hypnosis and the stuff covered here, there’s nothing to be ashamed of.

Of course, there is plenty of fucked up shameful stuff in the world and plenty of terrible things you could do to earn quite a bit of genuine honest and terrible shame, but none of that has come up here.

Anyway, if you have questions or ideas for future articles, of if you just want to reach out and say hello, feel free to drop me a line.

Also, if you appreciated this article, I’ve created a $1.00 tip goody. I was thinking about selling the articles themselves like I do free stories, but this seems easier for everyone in the long and short run.