Feelings and Words: My Recent Live Session Experiences
So, because they’ve been offering sessions on the cheap, I’ve been able to do live sessions (or real time calls, if live to you means “in person”) with Mistress Calamity Brain (twitter here), and so far it’s been been an awesome time.
I wrote recently about how I watched a shit ton of videos from Goddess Emily and how much I enjoy her work (I’m a hypno-slut, I know, I know…), and the thing is, all of these things have come together to help me grow and improve as a subject, as a student of hypnosis, and in turn, as a professional.
Here’s how that last part works.
Even though I don’t get paid for this part of it, writing these articles is a part of my job. It’s a little bit of advertising for myself by giving Pro Dommes a chance to get to know my thoughts, my experience, and my professional and philosophical outlooks, but it’s also a little bit… I don’t know… peer support.
Every once and a while I get an email from someone thanking me for what I’ve shared and what I’ve talked about in my blogs.
Every once and a while I get a DM from someone with a serious personal question, or a personal question about ethics, conduct, or something else, and when that happens I feel touched and honored to have done work here that has helped people in some way.
It’s not my job to be a know-it-all, or to claim I’m an expert, but I think of it as a job and a responsibility to, since I’m making money here in this community, to try and help other people the way I’ve been helped, and to try and help other people in the ways I would have, or would like to be helped.
I have a lot of access, and I have a lot of experience and perspective on this whole thing, and knowing how hard it can be, I really do try and work to help people. And you know what… more often than not, I’m helping myself.
(The least revelatory revelation of all time right thee, I know… but I’m writing about my experiences because I know they’re not unique, and I’ve known that because I’ve been paying a lot of attention over that last twenty years of having a name for my perversions and deviant desires…)
So, what does all of this have to do with me having a handful of live sessions with someone and having a great time doing so?
Well, in typical me fashion let’s find out together in the next too many words.
A month or so ago, after my first session with Calamity, I thought to myself, “I know what I want, I want to be small, weak, dumb, powerless, depersonalized and destroyed.”
I also thought, “I want to be fucking dominated.”
These weren’t new thoughts, they weren’t even new words, but the intention was new, and the scope was new. Time gives you perspective, and over time I’ve always thought I was your median average hypno-perv (as I said in the last one), but it turns out that I’m more extreme than average. I’m a little bit of a masochist too, but that’s flavor for the rest of this.
One of the funny things about this whole fetish is how broad it is, and how different it can be.
I’ve talked before about how the two most common ways people come to it either through mass media fantasies, or from exposure via other D/s experiences, and those two paths tend to lead to different kinds of fantasies and desires. Often times the mass media people have a hypnosis fetish, and that is their kink, whereas the D/s people find hypnosis as a part of and a means of exploring their other fetishes, and can in turn develop a hypnosis fetish that exists in that context.
It leads to different wants because it exists in those different contexts, and eventually, those two things meet in the middle, where the clichés and the aesthetics merge with the application.
That’s, I think, where a lot of people are and/or end up pretty quickly, with some variation of love of aesthetics, clichés, and theatrics… but again, that’s for hypno-fetishists, and that’s different that people who use hypnosis with their other fetishes.
But once you’re there, what really is there? What I mean is, how do you describe that place, and how do you find your bearing in that space when it’s such a nebulous space to be in?
I figure if I’m thinking about this, and have been thinking about it for a long time, so are other people. But here’s my thought, use your words, and if you don’t know what those words are, or what to say, or what you want, then tell people. That’s what I’m learning, and I don’t think it’s a particularly profound insight, but it can be hard, it can be really hard to not know, or to even realize you don’t know.
Femdom Erotic Hypnosis, as a fetish that has any kind of organized shape, size, or form is pretty new in the grand scheme of things. So much of our ideas of it comes from mass media content that didn’t take hold until after World War 2, and then only really became an accessible thing to talk about via the internet
So what we can communicate, what we can talk about or try and codify is pretty recent, with actual communities, norms, and any kind of conceptual or communications continuity of thought being even newer.
So to be clear, despite the fact I’ve been into this shit for 20 years, spent a few good years in a romantic relationship with a hypno-domme, and work in this scene because of my breadth of knowledge and writing abilities, and I’m still bungling through all of this… and based on accounts from my domme friends, I’m super not alone in this.
(Which is also why I’m writing this article.)
I had an experience with Calamity in our second session where, in exploring some suggestions about submission, I felt my body change. Not my mind, and not my physical being, but the body of my self move into itself. The suggestion was about being small, only instead of feeling small, it felt like I’d been living a foot outside of myself, projecting myself outward, and in a moment, I was my actual size, my actual self.
It was a feeling, and maybe there aren’t enough words for, and maybe it isn’t worth trying to define and deliver, because ultimately it only matters to me, but where it matters to you is that this is what you can get to feel.
Not “THIS” thing, but this kind of moment.
I think Calamity is skilled, insightful, intuitive, and fun, in other words a great hypnotist who is dramatically undercharging for their ability right now. I think if you’ve been hesitating to try live calls, and you’ve been looking for someone who may be able to work well with you, give Calamity a shot.
I’ve done live sessions with 6 or 7 dommes over the last ten years, and there is no experience like it when you click with someone. And if I can offer something else, or offer something again, don’t be afraid to ask questions, and to let yourself try things out. Hypnosis is powerful, and it has a deep emotional place with all of us, but it’s not magic. Calamity is very into enthusiastic consent, so who better to help you take you first steps?