The Top 8 Things Outsiders Get Wrong About Femdom Erotic Hypnosis

Preface: Before we get going, I want to clarify that this is about the Femdom Hypnosis scene, not about the practice of female domination via hypnosis as a concept. 

Outsiders?
So this is a special, exclusive club now?
No, that’s not what I mean at all.
It’s not a question of if you belong or not, it’s about the fact this scene is really its own thing, and like any niche it operates by its own rules. This is especially, maybe even glaringly true if you’re coming from a more traditional kind of D/s experience and/or kink play. So when I say “Outsider” what I mean is someone who is not culturally indoctrinated in this scene either as a domme or a sub.

So, first things first:

8. This is a Heavily Commercialized Scene

Femdom Erotic Hypnosis has a long history of being such a specialized skill that is/was practiced by a comparatively narrow amount of people (dominant women who practice hypnosis) compared to subjects that want to experience it, that the easiest and most reliable way to find the experience you want is/was to pay for it.

People’s access and exposure to Femdom Erotic Hypnosis (not Erotic Hypnosis, not Femdom, but all three together) has, as such, been behind a pay to play wall, and it doesn’t mean that Femdom Erotic Hypnotists like what they do any less, or feel less passion in what they do compared to people that practice for fun, it means that they get to get paid for the fun they have because subjects (real talk, it’s mostly cis men) simple are not entitled to women’s labor and effort for their pleasure.

Intimate relationships exist via social contracts, shared desires, and shared expectations, and most Hypno-Dommes simply do not have the desire or emotional bandwidth to provide this amount of emotional labor to others for free.

Just because we want to be hypnotized, it doesn’t mean they want to hypnotize us out of the kindness of their hearts, especially if they have their own play partners and are having their fetish and relationship needs met already.

Also, this is sex work, sex work is work, and if you work you should get paid for it.

So yeah, it’s sex work and it’s a certain kind of porn, but…

7. It’s Not Just Porn

Okay, yes it can and often is used as masturbation material, but the giant mouthful of words that is Femdom Erotic Hypnosis really is it’s own thing.

If something like a body part is your fetish, then you get off to that body part. If you only get aroused via hot wax, then you pour some hot wax on yourself to get off.

If being hypnotized by a dominant woman is what turns you on, then what you want is to actually be hypnotized.

Hypnosis themed content can be good enough to get off to, but it’s not what a hypno-fetishist is really after, and when they buy content they think is really hypnosis and it turns out to just be porn, they’re profoundly disappointed, and tend to feel ripped off.

That brings us to…

6. The Hypnosis is Real, the Fantasy is Fantasy

Most of the Femdom Erotic Hypnosis world is made up of commercial products, audio and video designed to put someone in a trance as part of a fantasy experience. Everything else in the file is there because the consumer wants to be hypnotized by a dominant woman first and foremost, and everything else is basically secondary, or enabled by the hypnosis.

The themes and content of these files can be anything from role-play narrative where the hypnotist is anything from a corrupt therapist to a magical creature, and all points in between. Or, the files are about the hypnotist as a Mistress or other dominant feeding them suggestions about how to obey, why they should obey, and why they want to obey.

This isn’t to say that real power exchange dynamics are not in play, just the opposite really because being hypnotized is a naturally submissive act even in the most vanilla of settings, it is to say that the dynamics at work in a recorded session are not fundamentally the same as a real time D/s experience because…

5. Files Aren’t Live Sessions

This seems obvious on the surface, but it’s actually kind of complicated.

First, the way you get hypnotized by and with a recording/video is different than the way it happens in real time/with a hypnotist.

Second, for all the fun and effectiveness that a file can have in putting someone into trance and presenting ideas and suggestions, the fact of the matter is that unless a person is hyper-suggestible, the effects of hypnotic suggestions via files are very different and less practically potent than those delivered in real time. And even then, hypnotic suggestions only work if you want them to work.

Predatory behavior is just that, and yes a predatory person can use hypnosis, your own desires, vulnerabilities, wants, emotional needs, etc. to manipulate you, and yes this does mean that you can end up accepting toxic suggestions, but it’s not very different than learning other maladaptive behaviors and thought patterns etc.

So all that said, customers/subjects that have extreme reactions to files are, statistically speaking, having psychosomatic experiences and/or participating in extended role-play.

And okay, yes, we’re getting into the finer points between subconscious suggestions and responses and conscious engagement and permissive behavior, but the bottom line is, these things impact a subject in different ways, and most files can be boiled down to sexy gas-lighting.

Again, there’s a thin degree of separation, but if you accept the premise that hypnosis, and in turn hypnotic suggestions, are their own thing that works a certain way, then this difference matters.
Yes, you can go into trance listening to a file, yes files can hypnotize you, but being hypnotized doesn’t mean a suggestion will land or take hold, and a big reason for that is…

4. This Scene is Consensually Unethical

I was talking to a Hypno-Domme friend of mine the other day, and she said, “They [subjects] want to feel emotionally taken advantage of and manipulated, that’s the whole point of the fantasy”, and that’s true.

That’s a difference between people that enjoy erotic hypnosis, and female hypnotist play, people that have a Mistress who uses hypnosis in their D/s play, and people that enjoy Femdom Erotic Hypnosis (because remember, this is a scene). It’s the FEMDOM part, hard or soft, and it ties into the archetypes that inform so much of this scene.

If you’re into the Femdom Hypnotist what you want is for her to hypnotize you and take control. You want her to use her abilities to prey on your desires and your vulnerabilities and to make you feel exploited. That’s what the hypnosis is, it’s a means of comprising you, it’s the thing that takes your power away, so if you come into this scene from more traditional D/s play, then the lack of negotiation that goes on before a file, or a call can seem strange and dangerous, but often times that negotiation is hidden, or addressed in other subtle ways, because the fantasy isn’t agreement from the subject to be tied up etc., it’s that the act of agreement in and of itself is coerced from the subject as part of the play.

So yes, that makes traditional negotiation a little different or difficult, but it’s nothing compared to that fact that…

3. The Clients Don’t Know What They Want

It’s true, we don’t.

See also: “I don’t have limits” means:
“I don’t have enough experience to know what those are, and between the two of us, you’re the expert and I’m not, so I need your help because you’re paid to do this and I just beat my dick to the idea of it.”

At least most of us don’t, because what we want is the abstract experience of being hypnotized and controlled. We know what that means, but we don’t know what it does, practically speaking, and we come to Hypno-Dommes because they’re the ones doing it, so they must be the experts.
The clients/subjects on the other hand, are really only experts on beating off.

The sub might always be in control, but the truth is, the sub tends to not know what is and isn’t possible, because where and how will they have learned what can be done with hypnosis outside of movies etc.?

People into Femdom Erotic Hypnosis know that women hypnotizing them is sexy, but after that… we run out of ideas.

Because, again, where and how are we going to learn what’s possible when our access to it is narrowed down to pay for play, media, and files that are equal parts fantasy content and real hypnosis.

Another big part of this comes from the fact that if this is your kink, it doesn’t mean you’re not into other things, but what’s the crossover with practicing other forms of D/s? What’s the organic connection?

Chances are if you’re into Femdom Erotic Hypnosis specifically (again, not just erotic hypnosis, and not just femdom, but this combination), you’re not coming from a lot of dungeon time or meat space play, because that’s not what your kink is. This fetish is what you’re into, and this isn’t a common thing, so…

2. A Lot of Hypno-Fetishists in this Scene Don’t Know a lot about Traditional D/s Terms and Practices.

This one may be restating a lot of stuff from earlier in the list, but it bears having its own entry.
There are ways, albeit not particularly practical ones, to experience remote power exchange that have clear and obvious potential harm to the submissive. This can be anything from imposed chastity, to financial domination, to remote computer and phone access/control, to any number of other creative showings of power and control, and each one of those things can push a limit or cross a line, as I said above, in an obvious and/or potentially dangerous way.

With hypnosis, yes it seems like there are also obvious potentially dangerous issues at work, but the reality of it, not the fun sexy dangerous myth of it, is that the biggest danger of erotic hypnosis for most subjects is to get too into it.
Again, there is a fine line between psychosomatic response and over-commitment to play/role-play, and the active presence of subconscious suggestions working independently of a subject’s imagination, and/or conscious desire for satisfaction in this type of experience. Most of the time, the big danger is people buying into the hype, and exaggerating what is happening to themselves…

And again, yes, this is a kind of self-hypnosis, and yes it does normalize a pattern of behavior and internalize certain kinds of messaging and belief structures that you “could” call brainwashing and/or hypnotic brainwashing, but here’s the thing, this is all superficial stuff whereas the whole point of a hypnotic suggestion is that it works on a deeper fundamental level, and requires the subconscious mind to agree with the suggestion, so by and large, this scene is less dangerous, despite some apparently obvious dangers.

(Not counting the incredibly complex emotional relationships that form in, around, and in connection to all sexual relationships, especially the more obscure fetishes out there like… you know… being hypnotized for sexy results…)

So all that said, there has been less obvious need for the same kind of formal structure that goes into other forms of play, and combined with the distinct nature of Femdom Erotic Hypnosis, and the unethical being the appeal, the practical negotiations that go into power exchange that are still present tend to be camouflaged into things like customer agency in what they buy and from whom, with a Hypno-Domme’s marketing being their side of the negotiation, and the customer’s agreement to purchase or not being their consent.

Hold on, I know what you’re going to say.

Yes, sometimes that consent is given as a response to misleading information, so it’s not all buyer-beware as this scene has a long and colorful history of people doing a terrible job, A TERRIBLE JOB, usually not for any sneaky or malicious reason, communicating what their recorded content contains in part or in full, and in no small part because again, the unethical is the appeal.

In the attempt to give the subject what they want, which includes a fair amount of good natured deception, as a lot of Femdom Erotic Hypnosis really is “sexy gas lighting”, people miss the mark in their descriptions about what they should and shouldn’t be transparent about, and what is and isn’t essential information.

This is because, if you want a powerful Hypno-Domme to hypnotize and brainwash you, you’re looking for some sneaky content like suggestions about and for addiction to that Domme, dependence on her for sexual pleasure, and other larger hypnotic play factors (that are “hopefully” communicated in a file descriptions”).

So, going into something like a live call, you have no point of reference for soft and hard limits, red, yellow, green, or even thinking of things as scenes, because that’s simply not part of the culture of the fetish you’re experiencing.

And if you’re an outsider to this scene everything I’ve said probably makes sense (shit, I hope it does), but also probably throws up a million red flags for you. But, there’s one more hugely important dynamic to this particular culture, a culture I am not so much defending as illuminating, and it is the backbone of why all of this stuff is the way it is…

1. The Relationship Between Gender Roles and Power Dynamics is a HUGE Deal in this Content

Femdom Erotic Hypnosis is essentially all about gender.
It’s not just about sex (both the act of, and also biological assignment), it’s about gender as it relates to power, and power dynamics.

(It’s also about money, and the history of who has disposable income for content like this, and this is even more the case when you think about how much of this fetish comes from mass media content and in turnt who that content is/was made for… the answer to both being straight white middle class cisgender men…)

If you take any popular Femdom Erotic Hypnosis fantasy and flip the genders of the hypnotist and subject, it becomes a story about sexual assault, and that’s because in these fantasies hypnosis is a tool that changes social norms when women use it on men, but when men use it on women in these same fantasy contexts, it propagates the patriarchy.

It’s men using their power to take what they want from women versus women using their power to undermine men’s power and authority.

Hypnosis, in these fantasies, is magic. Not in the “you’re under my spell” part of its presentation and language etc. but it’s magic in that it does the “culturally impossible” and puts the woman in complete control of the situation by using a power that preys on male weakness.

You can use hypnosis for all kinds of play.

You can be sexually aroused by being hypnotized by someone you are attracted to, and that person could be a woman who is dominant, and it can play out in your personal life with your play partners, or you romantic partner(s), and there can be female tops, and dominants, and the list goes on and on and on, but that’s not what I’m talking about here.

Femdom Erotic Hypnosis requires Female Dominance, and that in and of itself is based on flipping the script on social and gender norms.

The patriarchy is real.

Women are, compared to men of their same social strata, second-class citizens.

That’s all real.

The “pink tax” the wage gap, it’s all real.

The reality of gender is inescapable in this kind of play, and as an identity within our society men are way less vulnerable to exploitation than women are, especially because in this scene in particular, those men are engaged in a mediated pay-to-play social contract and structure that insulates them from certain kinds of the most sexually aggressive exploitation.

Here’s an example:

A Hypno-Domme puts a man in trance and uses suggestions and their hypnotic abilities to convince that man to strip naked for them. Men aren’t usually objectified like this in their day-to-day lives so this experience is part of the fantasy, because men also aren’t sexually objectified by society tot he same degree as women (with exceptions).

You flip that around, and it’s a guy trying to convince a woman to get naked. That’s not a fantasy, that’s more of the same because women in our society are being perpetually objectified, and that’s also predatory behavior unless that woman has already consented to being okay with that (and you can ALWAYS withdraw consent).

One is play because it’s out of the ordinary, and one is predatory because it is the ordinary. Also, obviously in real time sessions the Hypno-Domme should take the lead in negotiation, and this stuff should be addressed ahead of time, but that’s not the point. The point is this:

Underneath everything else, Femdom Erotic Hypnosis is about hypnotism as a tool to undermine and destroy the most central of all gender norms, that men are in control.
It is/can be argued that hypnosis is a kind of special magic power (I know I said that already) that the woman wields to unseat these norms, and it follows that without this power, they would not/cannot have the power to take control. This is the power that makes the woman special, and when that special power is used on the man, the subject, they are in turn special because the woman choses to/needs to use that power on him.

And yes, questions of gender, gender rolls and their dynamics come up in other forms of play and other forms of D/s because so much of what power is comes from the agency of the self, and that agency is informed by societal norms, so no it’s not exclusive to this scene, but when you stack up Femdom Erotic Hypnosis to other forms of hypnosis play, including using it as a tool in a wider kind of D/s play relationship, you can see that there are some foundational and dramatic differences that are all centered around gender.

(And if you’ve made it this far, thank you. Also, duh, all of this applies only to what it applies to, and Femdom Erotic Hypnosis can and does exist outside of the commercial market, but that is a question of one to one relationships, not a question of that the “culture” and norms of the fetish as it is widely consumed.)

Bonus Entry

0. Hypnosis Has a Very Real Ceiling for Effectiveness

In play, you can do a lot with trance.
You can do even more if/when people really buy in, but no matter what, it can only do so much.
A lot of what I talk about in the above sections circles around power, and that power also comes from appeals to authority, which like gender, carries the weight of social norms and expectations, and when I talk about “sexy gas lighting”, I’m talking about our willing suspension of disbelief when, for part of the fantasy, the hypnotist lies to us about what their suggestions can do.
We buy in, and we stay bought in for any duration of time, and then the rush passes and we’re back to normal, with a smattering of suggestions that may or may not be in our subconscious and that, if they are there, are probably the fun and sexy kind. Meanwhile, the hype train chugs along, the fantasy is sold, and we either hop back on that train, or someone else does, but none of us (except that like %5 of hyper suggestible people out there) are the brainwashed slaves we purport ourselves to be… even when we have awesome relationships with our dommes and their triggers etc.
After all, it’s all still hypnosis, and that means it’s still JUST hypnosis, for good and for bad.

1 Comments

  1. phoenix

    This article has given me pause, Femdom hypnosis was the drug that brought me into the BDSM lifestyle IRL. lol
    You have given me a lot to think about, thank you.

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