Are You Submissive, or is Your Erection?
One of the things we tend to not talk about publicly, because most if not every site regarding erotic hypnosis is a service site, are the more focused granular differences in what makes up the erotic hypnosis fetishist population.
I mean, obviously I do this a whole lot, with perhaps half, if not a slight majority of my blogs being focused on this, hence why I’m writing about the topic again today.
But wait a second, lets go back to what I just said about service sites.
Just like the banana stand, there’s money in erotic hypnosis fans.
We’re a smallish, captive audience, who until very recently, had globally limited options.
Now, it seems like you can’t shoot a wad without accidentally bukkake-ing a cam girl or Nite Flirt Girl ™ who is making MESMERIZE or SENSUAL MEDITATION content (because hypnosis is a banned word for most all credit card processors).
I’ve talked about this before, but it’s important for grounding this conversation and what I mean by service site.
Inraptured, before its many issues (not the least of which is the changing of the times), used to be a massive hub for the femdom hypnosis crowd, but for as long as I can remember, that made it an invaluable retail and marketing space.
I, personally, while never on staff (and despite the rumors, am not now) used to argue for policy to protect everyone there who was advertising, to keep it a viable space for all parties, and that wasn’t just me looking out for my pro friends, it was an interest in protecting the viability of the site in general.
Because, despite being banner fueled, the site created a space for dialogue and conversation, albeit a small amount, and when anything becomes a free-for-all free market warzone for eyes and dollars, everything else tends to become secondary, or at least, using and utilizing less flagrant advertising means becomes less viable.
But wait, isn’t this blog supposed to be about boners?
Don’t worry, we’ll get to that soon enough, I promise!
So now, what we have are service sites built on direct marketing to clients that theoretically want to buy what is offered, with the assumption that people know what they want or are willing to discover it via paid exploration.
This, with the other assumption that individual research as a means of discovery is readable available…
Which, to be fair, is how we assume everyone discovers their consumer interests, and how we assume everyone comports themselves in all things, but the sources and resources for that research, teaching, and information is:
Either wholly biased (because if you don’t get paid you don’t eat so you need to make that sale)
Behind the pay wall of people who value their time as money because of the necessity of their work and labor (see not being paid and not eating).
Or unverifiable due to a combination of magical thinking about conspiracies, which means no sources will serve your needs because you’ve made up your mind and are looking for external confirmation regardless of its veracity.
Or because this being the niche market that it is, you simply can’t find people to talk to about it.
And, if you do find people, chances are they are not going to be the best sources, as these days they tend to fall into the above example of magical thinking, and conspiracy minded bullshit nonsense, or just plain self-hate fueled blathering. So, where do you go to find out about yourself?
Who can you bounce your ideas of self and your desires off of?
And more so, how do you find yourself able to discuss something so private in such public and questionable places, especially when vendors are selling the hyper romantic and sexualized versions of these fantasies?
You may have already asked yourself:
Will I really become a hypnotized slave?
Will I really start paying her rent on her command?
And more so, and more realistically personal and important to yourself as well, why do these feelings that have brought me here go away after I cum, deep trance or no?
And here we are, at the meat of the topic.
You know what no one talks about?
No one talks about just enjoying the idea of submission. No one talks about what it means to play. There’s good reasons why, and reason one is:
It’s fucking impossible to sell.
What I mean is, if they know it’s just a little diversion and you know it is, then it has no value, because even though you want that deep down inside, you want the fantasy of it, and the fantasy is that it’s real.
It’s real, because the desire to experience what is offered is real.
So, what is real right?
Okay we’ll put a pin in that Freshman Philosophy/your stoned high school friend question for now, and get back to your dick and the more pressing question of why the desire fades afterwards for so many people.
Submission is a fantasy for more people than it is a lifestyle opportunity or desire, financial resources pending.
What I mean is, you can pay for a pro to dominate you, you can maybe find someone who is a good kink match with you in your real-time life, or, you can buy the experience in a mediated and controlled setting, stuff like mp3s, videos, live sessions here and there, etc.
This format promotes a prescribed result.
You buy the file for the experience of the file, and then it ends, and you’re back to your regular life.
You buy it because this stuff gets you off, and between start to finish (of file, and/or climax) that’s what you’re there for.
So it’s a discrete experience and not a continuous one, and as a result, your instinct towards this material becomes a discrete experience itself, compartmentalized really.
You want a taste, you get a taste, you’re done.
Because the scope of sexual engagement is purpose driven, and that purpose is climax, and once you orgasm, well, what are you left with?
Non-conventional ideas of what is sexually appealing and arousing? The realization that you just spent money on erotic hypnosis?
This is where shame, and what Tessa Fields labeled in chat more than once: Masturbater’s Remorse.
Wait, you’re wondering how we got here and what this has to do with anything aren’t you?
Here’s your answer.
Most of us don’t get to embrace what we’re curious about, so we never learn the truth of our own desires, and we never get to let them grow and expand in healthy ways.
Instead, we buy something, delete it if our shame and Masturbater’s Remorse re running high, move on, then come back.
Or we just buy files, nut, then think hypnosis didn’t work on us because after we got what we came for, well, what else was there.
What we don’t know is what it’s like to really lose control, or to really go along in different ways, because the file stops, or we turn it off, or we compartmentalize those feelings after we’re done.
The system we’re in doesn’t really let us explore these things, because like it or not, we’re customers in a service industry, and since it is a luxury service, the indulgence isn’t like renting a movie on-demand.
(As an aside, yes, this is a luxury industry. Vice, in all its shapes and sizes is luxury, and the skill that it takes to be an accomplished hypnotist is a real and tangible thing. No one owes you your desires, no one owes you anything. You don’t want to pay for it, well the good news is masturbation is free and you already have everything you need to do it)
So, the unfair reality is we have an uncommon desire that, to be met and fully explored, we either need a lot of luck, or the funds to facilitate it. Also, we have our dicks confusing us too, don’t we?
Dicks that will lead us into just about anything, and it happens in out case to be combined with the explicit purpose of entering a highly suggestible state of consciousness. No wonder we’re confused sometimes.
Okay, let’s stay lighthearted here!
You’re reading this, so chances are you’re pretty fucking Yes Mistress Agreeable when you have an erection, but let’s figure out how compartmentalized your submissive side is.
Does the idea of serving someone, of agreeing with them and being subservient to them in real life situations and not just bedrooms stuff turn you on?
If yes, have you ever agreed with someone because they wanted you to, not because you would get anything out of if past that?
Does non-sexually explicit dominance in hypnosis turn you on?
Here’s a weird one for you, do you actually think the only way a woman could influence you or hold authority over you is through hypnosis, so all of this is pure fantasy because women are the weaker sex?
(I hope you answered ‘no’ to this last one, because what fucking year is it, but this is a real thing on our scene too.)
This isn’t a quiz by the way, I’m not going to tell you what your condition is based on your answers.
When you think about submission, do you think about how good it feels for you, or do you think about how what you’re doing gives to someone else?
Have you ever done something you would not normally have done, like bought a gift/tribute, wrote a review/tweet/post, eaten your own cum, or become chaste after listening to a file?
If yes, did you experience a satisfaction and sense of wholeness you couldn’t really articulate?
Have you ever done something your Domme, or a Dominant Woman told you to, just because they did?
And if you did, did you enjoy the feeling?
That’s just some stuff to think about, and here’s some context.
When you tell a Pro Domme you’re submissive, then they say prove it via x, y, z, and none of those things appeal to you, and you have no desire to do so, what you’re telling them is you like the idea of being submissive in the act of sexual gratification, which is not the same as being an active submissive.
Being actively submissive means you enjoy the experience of pleasing them, not of their dominance over you in service to your erection.
A lot of Dommes want the kind of person that will serve them, not just cum the way they’re told, because cumming has no value, and just like there are active submissive there are active dominants too.
Being an active dominant doesn’t make you a sociopath or a narcissist, in fact, having those issues would make you pretty terrible, because good, effective domination comes from empathy and the ability to understand the emotional needs of others, as well as the impact of what you do to them.
It’s just good business.
So here’s the thing, we can jerk it for free, and when we jerk it to someone else’s labor, the value from us is in our demand and our willingness to pay, not in the end result of their work. For them, repeat business comes from making good content, because content exists to be consumed, and good content is what gets us to buy more, not what makes us cum the hardest.
However, cumming the hardest is pretty fucking likely to create repeat business, am I right?
So enough Econ 101 for now, a submissive’s value comes from the value they bring. This generally means skill sets being employed without compensation, and gifts without expectation, because those things put someone else above you, and that’s what being actively submissive is.
It’s actually a behavior pattern that needs to be cultivated in most people, as for many it starts with have sexually submissive instincts that are then built on, the expansion and de-compartmentalizing of our erotic submissive desires.
And of course, doing so takes effort from someone, and effort equals time, and time equals value/money, so I guess we’re never going to be done with Econ 101 here, but we’ll pretend otherwise.
“I feel so submissive when I hear your voice.”
Is a pretty common comment/occurrence.
The follow up is, “what does it make you want to do.”
Most of us say “cum”, and that’s not a bad thing, because that’s where we are and that’s what we want.
We also, feeling this brush with fantasy, want to prolong it, not knowing what it will take, thinking with out most selfish of all body parts, not actually having an answer and/or not being able to process what is then presented to us, because submission to another in such a way is generally alien to us.
That’s why it’s called submissive behavior, and not normal every day behavior.
So where’s this all going, how is this helping anyone?
The fuck awful duh obvious comment of the moment is: Only you know what you like.
Here’s some real help.
Try out being unconditionally agreeable. Try out offering your services without expectation, small things like writing a review or a tweet for your Domme, not for you, but for her.
That’s the thing, that’s the core emotional crux of submission, the externalizing of your desires into the happiness of another, that’s being actively submissive.
And listen, this is important, it’s not better than submissive fantasies, it’s not better than just enjoying what you enjoy, it’s different and while the one can lead to the other, it doesn’t mean you’re required to go from fantasies to realities.
Reality is reality, and that extends to the realities of your fantasy play as well. It doesn’t mean hypnosis is less effective, if anything it only proves to you what you do and don’t want within the context of your fantasies.
After all, you can only accept suggestions you agree with!
Now, before we wrap this up, lets talk about the unspoken issue lingering in the article right now.
Yes, if properly supported, hypnosis can absolutely enhance your submissive instincts and desires more than mere exposure and repetition.
But, that kind of deep change depends on consistency and reinforcement, not just from files, but from real time interactions and focus.
I’m speaking from experience here.
All behavior is habitual, and if you are not able to habituate submissive desires, or the implementation of suggestions, they will only go so far and will end up compartmentalized by dint of the realities laid out above.
I hope this had been helpful and gotten you to think about what you like, what you want, and what you need for yourself.
Feel free to Contact Me here and…
If this was food for thought and you think it may have helped you at all, why not contribute a dollar to my coffee and comics fund… the things that keep me sane as I work.