Story Preview: Voluntary

A Smuthunter Story


            “Hello Mister Davis, how are you this morning?”

            It had been four days since Colin Davis had checked himself in at Brookridge, and having never institutionalized himself before, he had no idea how things were going. All he really knew was those first four days were both quiet, busy, and generally a blur, but he assumed that was because everything else in his life had also been a blur.

            “I’m,” he paused “okay I guess.”

            “Well that’s good. Here,” the nurse in his room was very soft. Everything about her was softness. Her tone, her manner, the way she looked at him, everything was soft. “Take these.”

            It was a small paper cup with a couple of pills that he swallowed with water. They were the same pills he’d been taking since day two, the ones prescribed by his doctor at the facility.

            Colin wasn’t crazy, he’d just hit his breaking point, or close enough to it that he knew he needed to step back; what good was all his hard work if he couldn’t use the profits to actually take care of himself.

            “Thank you…” she didn’t have a nametag, he was drawing a blank on her name.

            “Tanisha,” she smiled that soft smile, “but it’s okay, you tried to remember even with everything you’re managing, and that’s very kind, but just relax Mister Davis, just sit back and relax.”

            She was a full figured woman, and that added to her softness. Her dark skin stood out against the pastel colors of her business casual attire, and her black curls hung down between her shoulders in a loose ponytail. None of the nurses in his wing wore scrubs, and the orderlies were almost invisible.

It was a mental institution, but it did its best to pretend it wasn’t, after all, it was an institution for the exhausted members of the well-to-do set, and decidedly not for the run of the mill crazy people.

            “There, see how easy it is to rest a moment, to just be still. You’re doing fine, just close your eyes and rest a while, I’ll come back soon.”

            Her soft voice floated over him and he closed his eyes. A wave of peace washed over his mind and body, and he found himself dozing again.

            There was a knock at his door, and he didn’t know how long he’d been resting, but it didn’t matter, he was here to rest.

            It was his breakfast; it had only been about twenty minutes.

            He ate, then went for a walk and came back to his room, and a few minutes later Nurse Tanisha knocked on his door.

            “How was your walk?”

            “Nice.” Just a few days before, every sound he heard made his spine tingle, and every thought was a loop of unending problems, but it was quiet here. “The grounds here are really nice. It’s so quiet.”

            “Good,” she smiled that soft smile and he felt comfortable with her, “that’s very good to hear. I just wanted to see how you’re feeling, and to make sure you were comfortable. It’s nice to just take a load off isn’t it Mister Davis?”

            “It’s, you know, it’s like Doctor Saunders was saying, she was telling me about being present, and not following the threads and the noise, and it’s starting to make sense.”

He was sitting in one of the chairs in his room. It was spacious enough and reminded him of a hotel room. It had a king sized bed, a table, 2 chairs, a large TV, a sink, and its own full bathroom; it was easy to be comfortable.

“That’s good, it’s important to stay mindful. It’s important to be present, and remember to breathe too. Breathe yourself into the calm you are looking for Colin, and find yourself feeling the deep peace of relaxation now.”

It was easy to take a deep breath, to hold it for the count of three like the doctor had told him to, and then to imagine all of his tension exiting his body as he breathed out.

Doctor Saunders had spent most of their initial sessions here working on these immediate and practical exercises, and he felt like they really made a difference as Colin felt his shoulders loosen and drop a little.

“Now just relax, enjoy the feeling, and sink into the now Mister Davis, sink down, go on, close your eyes and just relax. It’s easy, take another breath, and three… two…”

He closed his eyes and let himself melt into the chair, into the quiet as she said “One.”

“I’ll come visit you later before your session with Doctor Saunders.”

Colin dozed in his chair until something made him open his eyes. It wasn’t anything in particular, it might have just been the chair, but he turned on the TV, sat back and spent the next few hours doing nothing, occasionally focusing on his breathing, and letting himself find his inner quiet.

When his lunch arrived, he ate it and went for another walk.

This time, he thought he saw a familiar face. One of the patients looked a lot like a woman he knew, Meaghan Kline. Meaghan did the same work he did, but for another company, and he wouldn’t have been surprised if it actually was her.

But the woman he saw, who was also dressed in the same loose and comfortable clothing he was issued, had an almost blank face. All the lines were smoothed, all the muscles in her jaw and around her eyes were loose, and when she looked at him, there was no recognition in her placid eyes.

This woman was also being led down the hall by another woman, one he hadn’t seen before. She was tall, had dark red hair that was up in a tight bun, and wore sharp black framed glasses. This woman, who also didn’t have a nametag, gave him a patient smile and walked away from him without a word.

Colin went on his way, and after less than an hour was back in his room.

There was another knock on his door and Nurse Tanisha was back. She had a small tray with a plastic sample cup that she set on the table.

“How are you feeling this afternoon Mr. Davis? You seem to be enjoying taking walks, that’s good.”

“It’s nice, it feels good to get up and about a little, to go somewhere without having to be somewhere, it’s easy.”

She smiled, “I like that, going somewhere without having to be somewhere.”

Her tone didn’t change, and neither did her pace, but there was something softer and more inviting in the sound of her voice, something that sounded like being lowered into a warm tub.

“I was wondering if you could take a moment, just center yourself on the sound of my voice right now, and do your best to sink into the relaxation you’ve found here.”

Colin blinked, and found himself taking a deep breath in, and then exhaling slowly. As he did, he felt himself slowing down, calming the reflexively anxious energy that had become his life. His jaw felt loose, his head felt a little heavier, and everything just felt simple.

“Very good, you’re doing wonderfully finding your calm, now please take another breath, sink into the now, and tell me when you feel yourself becoming even more tranquil, noticing how you’re feeling even more quiet and calm here.”

He took another deep breath, and as he exhaled it did feel like all the noise and all the chaos of his mind was being muted, or at least muffled, “I feel it.”

“That’s very good,” she unscrewed the top of the sample cup. “This is going to sound like an odd request, but please pull your pants and underwear down, and if it would be more comfortable, we can sit on the bed.”

There was a strange sort of pull that Colin felt to do what she’d said, but he paused as he started to tug on the elastic band of his pants. “Is this a uh… sperm sample? I can try and do it on my own, I feel like it would be easier for me too.”

Nurse Tanisha smiled at him, “I know, but can I ask you now, how easy is it to simply feel the comfort of knowing, not thinking, not worrying, not trying, just knowing it’s easy, so easy, to relax into the moment, be in the moment now, and just feel the comfort of cooperation. I think you can feel those little doubts starting to flash and fade away can’t you Colin? After all I know you want to be a good patient don’t you?””

Her soft voice and gentle smile mixed together into those words and he felt the calm that seemed to wrap around him whenever he dealt with any of the female staff who would always just explain away why he should do what he was told.

There was a flicker of confusion, but like Tanisha had said, it faded, and it also almost, just barely, felt like someone else was pulling down his pants and his underwear.

“Thank you Colin. Now why don’t we sit down together?” She directed him to the bed and sat down next to him.

“Have you masturbated at all since you’ve arrived here?”

Her hand was soft and mechanical as she reached between his legs and started to examine his testicles.

“No, and not for a while before either. It was, well, my sex drive has been down.” He felt more comfortable as she examined him, and he noticed that there was a slight shift in her tone as she asked his that; it was more matter of fact.

“Dr. Saunders assumed as much,” her hand moved from his testicles to the head of his limp cock. “Now Colin, I’m going to manually stimulate you to orgasm to collect this sample, and I’m going to do this to help you and ensure that the process goes smoothly. I know this is not what you were expecting, so simply take a deep breath…”

Tanisha started to rub under the head with two fingers and massaged the top with her thumb, “and find yourself relaxing. Breathe in the calm, and simply breathe out the quiet. This is a medical procedure with practical intentions, and your body will respond quickly and easily as you just…”

He had gotten hard fairly quickly and was very focused on his breathing, but let out a sigh as she shifted to a loose circular grip around his head, “…relax and sink into the moment. Just feeling and breathing, finding the quiet, finding the calm and staying in the moment with me now.”

Colin also found himself looking down her top. The sight of her deep cleavage seemed complimentary to the moment and he found himself fixating on it as she continued.

“Trace the sensation of your breath, and feel the sensations of this moment. It is a natural physical process, and it is naturally pleasurable. Find the core of your pleasure, feel it, and simply be. Let yourself let go and give in to this natural physical instincts and processes your body has to… that’s it… just release.”

He was shooting into the plastic cup that she deftly guided to catch it, and as he came, Nurse Tanisha’s voice washed over him with the pleasure, and as she spoke, he felt himself sinking down into her deep, dark cleavage.

“Notice the pleasure, notice how good it feels, and just breathe, you’ve done so well here, so very well, relax, sink into it, and notice how easy it was. You’re always a good patient for me, thank you.”

He was quivering as her hand kept its steady stroke, “I’m making sure I collect all of the sample, just be, just feel, and there we are, all done.”

The lid was sealed, and he was pulling his pants up as she was washing her hands. “You did very well Mr. Davis. Just sit back, take a breath and relax. I’ll take you to see Dr. Saunders shortly, but for now, focus on your breathing, sink into the feeling, and just close your eyes for me.”

He’d been standing, but her words washed over him like a warm lead blanket, and Colin found himself in his chair, with his eyes shutting, carrying him into an even heavier, warmer state of relief and relaxation.

“Very good Mr. Davis, just relax and sink into the now, just sink and sleep now, deep sleep until I wake you.”

Her soft even voice was like a lullaby, and pulsing waves of sleepy, warm, exhaustion washed over him with every word. Her voice felt like it carried her softness, and it was like what he imagined resting his head on her breasts must feel like. It was in that quicksand of subduing softness that Colin sank, and a deeper darkness of sleep consumed him.

There was a knock on his door, and Tanisha was standing in the doorframe. “It’s time for your appointment with Dr. Saunders, did you sleep well Mr. Davis?”

Tanisha’s neck line seemed lower, and he felt ashamed of how quickly he’d noticed that, “I uh… I um… I guess I was tired and… yes, um, how long has it been?”

“Just an hour. Here,” she took a step back into the hall, “get yourself situated, have a glass of water, take your time and I’ll walk you down.”

The smothering force in her voice, the engulfing softness has returned to its usual, matter of fact patient and gentle energy, but something about his nurse was still bowling him over, and Colin had no idea what it was. But then again, everything had been bowling him over, so nothing really felt out of place. He got situated then walked out to join her, and as they walked down the hall, they passed the red haired woman, and the woman he thought might be Meaghan.

This time, she met his eyes, and he looked into her pale, almost empty blue eyes. They seemed drained of life and glassy, but as they made eye contact, Colin saw something flash inside them, something like fear, or confusion, and she stopped for a second, before the red headed woman, who wore the same soft pastels as Tanisha, but also high heels, gently pulled her along, “Come along, back to your room now, let’s cooperate and follow now.”

The redhead with the glasses spoke with the same kind of softness he’d heard from everyone else, but there was an edge to her words, something that sounded almost teasing, or knowing, and Colin watched Meaghan’s eyes dim and fade out into glassy oblivion before she walked away.

“I know her,” he felt inclined to share that detail with Tanisha because it felt like he’d just seen something wrong, or something he wasn’t supposed to, or more likely, that he didn’t want to see.

“Hmmm, I suppose you two must travel in the same circles,” Tanisha led him around the corner, “she’s been making a lot of improvements since arriving here, but she has been through an awful lot. Maybe it would be good for the two of you to talk a bit once you’re more settled. You’re doing so well Mr. Davis, you’re a very good patient.”

She looked deep into his eyes as she spoke, and he stared back into her soft round eyes. It felt like he was sinking into them, and as she told him how good he was, it made him feel happier than it should have, and it made him realize that it was what he wanted to be.

“Hello Colin, how are you this afternoon?”

Dr. Saunders was an older woman who wore her light brown hair up in a loose bun, and whose loose professional attire reminded him of a librarian. It was an impression that was enhanced by her narrow glasses and their thin wire frames.

She was also a striking woman, beautiful in a reserved and well-cultivated way, and if Colin were in a different headspace, he may have noticed that her wardrobe was hiding her figure.

“I’m feeling better, I think, it’s really nice here.” He sat across from her in a padded chair, and felt the focus of her pale gray-green eyes look into him.

“That’s wonderful to hear. Tanisha has said you’re responding well to medication, and to the relaxation exercises we’ve been coaching. She also says you’ve been taking walks, and that’s wonderful to hear. Now tell me Colin, when you focus on your breath, how much more relaxed do you become?”

He didn’t know how to answer that without taking a deep and centering breath, and as he did, he saw her smile with a patient and gentle energy.

“How does it feel,” the slight crow’s feet around her eyes, and the creases in her face lent a certain credence to her patience and her wisdom. “And does it feel good to simply breathe deep and relax?”

Dr. Saunders’s voice wrapped around him, and he felt like her eyes were pulling him in. They were deep and pale, almost like the ocean in their depths, like a ring of waves on the tide, swirling into the deeper darkness of her pupils, and it felt like that darkness was spreading through his mind in irresistible and calming waves.

It had been like that in their first session too, and she had made it so easy for him to open up. When she spoke to him, it was like every word cut through the noise, and everything she said felt easy, right, and true.

“You’re feeling very relaxed now, I can see it in your eyes. They look heavy, they look warm and relaxed, and oh so heavy now Colin. Relax with me, relax and sink into the now, and talk to me. How do you feel?”

His eyes closed and he soaked in her words like he was in a warm bath.

“I feel drained, like all the noise is gone, and I feel confused. The sperm sample was weird… it felt…” he didn’t have to open his eyes or have her say anything, he felt her energy reaching out to him, encouraging him, “it felt good, but strange… and… and I think I know another patient… but Tanisha makes everything easy… even the sample…”

“Did you enjoy Tanisha touching you? Do you find her attractive?”

He didn’t respond.

“It’s alright Colin, she is a very beautiful woman, but I know you may not have consciously noticed. I think subconsciously you find her very attractive, and rightly so. I think deep down inside of yourself, so very deep down now that you may not ever realize it consciously, you understand that you feel very sexually attracted to her. It’s natural to be attracted to her on that deep level, especially because she is taking care of you. Admit that for me now Colin, it will make you feel so peaceful and so good, I promise.”

Her words came in such a steady, soothing, constant, and confident barrage that they didn’t leave him any room to think, “Tanisha is attractive.”

“Yes Colin, she is. And that made it so physically easy for you to give her that sperm sample. She also has a very soft touch, I’m sure you can remember, I’m sure right now you can recall it happening, feeling her touch, helping you, as your body helped her. Feel it, remember it, focus on it now Colin, it’s important that we isolate these feelings to help you process.”

He remembered her stroke, her closeness, the warmth of human touch, and the softness of her hand.

“Tanisha says you were admiring her breasts, she says that once you focused on her cleavage that your body became very receptive and you produced your sample very quickly. You are drawn to her breasts aren’t you?”

Colin felt himself self-consciously bite his lip as a heady mixture of remembered pleasure, and the soft caress of Dr. Saunders’s voice spun him around.

“I just noticed them today.”

He knew from their first meeting that he always had to be, and would always be perfectly honest and cooperative because he needed to get better, and only good cooperative patience got better.

“That’s very good Colin, it means you’re improving. How does it feel to think about Tanisha masturbating you while you stare at her breasts?”

His eyes were still closed, and as she spoke, it was like the memory was playing on a movie screen in his mind, “Show me how it feels, show me how she touched you now.”

Want to see where this story goes? Want to see what kind of (mildly) maniacal twists and turns   unfold… with sexy results?

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